


Muffled

by CiaranthePage



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (though those don't really come up tbh), Accompanying Playlist, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Canon Trans Character, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), School Dances, Sibling Bonding, Trans Taako (The Adventure Zone), brief threatening with a plastic knife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiaranthePage/pseuds/CiaranthePage
Summary: "He shouldn't have come. High school was awful enough without shitty exes cornering him by the punch bowl or not shitty crushes seeing him shove a guy into the punch bowl and bolt. It was already hell without those events being connected or either one happening in front of everyone he knew. Certainly didn’t need for them to be while he was still coming down from a panic attack triggeredby the shitty exand trying to pull his outfit back together. And it was just overkill to tie the whole package together with a bow in the color “the worst goddamn night of your life: all of the above being set into motion because you’d ignored your beloved twin’s advice in the hopes of catching your crush’s attention -- in agood way.” "





	Muffled

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this over the span of about two days while listening exclusively to the songs on [this playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOJMA4jJWhHReFRfvH1z78ChqrOmajjT9)  
> you don't have to listen to it in order to get a feel for the fic, but it's basically what taako hears the entire time, and it's an aesthetic i enjoy so i'm sharing it w you

They were playing the music too loud, Taako mused. He hadn't realized his ears were ringing until he'd hidden in the bathroom. Not to mention that he could still hear it.

 

He slumped against a pipe under the sink, hugging his knees to his chest as his ears brushed his shoulders. The muffled music was making his heart hurt; the smell of the perfume cloud made his head ache. At least they'd cleaned under here recently, he thought. Last time he'd hidden in here he’d gotten gum in his hair and had to shave off that side to get it out. This time, he could be left to his thoughts without worrying about his hair or clothes getting gross spit-germs on them. And think he did.

 

He shouldn't have come. High school was awful enough without shitty exes cornering him by the punch bowl or not shitty crushes seeing him shove a guy into the punch bowl and bolt. It was already hell without those events being connected or either one happening in front of everyone he knew. Certainly didn’t need for them to be while he was still coming down from a panic attack triggered  _by the shitty ex_ and trying to pull his outfit back together. And it was just overkill to tie the whole package together with a bow in the color “the worst goddamn night of your life: all of the above being set into motion because you’d ignored your beloved twin’s advice in the hopes of catching your crush’s attention -- in a _good_ way.”

 

The tears started trickling before Taako could finish the train of thought. He muffled himself with his hand and buried his face in his knees, wiping away the makeup with a quick spell so it wouldn’t stain his pants. He shivered with sobs, keeping almost silent from years of practice to make sure no one came in to investigate (if they could even hear him over the music). He had a few friends out on the dance floor still, sure, but he’d managed to keep his cool persona up around them longer than any other set of people and he really didn’t want to lose that because of an ex none of them knew he had (for good reason). And, well, Taako didn’t do feelings. Not with other people. Not tonight.

 

He missed Lup. She hadn't come because she thought it was dumb to go to dances that were just random fundraisers, Taako had made the mistake of assuming Sazed wouldn't be here and come without her, and now he was alone on the bathroom floor. Just like he should have expected; just like the last time he’d gone to a dance at the same time as that motherfucker. His luck never changed, did it? Gods forbid he get a night out to himself while he was in high school. His chest hurt with the force of keeping himself quiet, lungs demanding a better release of the sounds inside them than what he was allowing. He sunk deeper into his ball, ears twitching with each muffled sob until he felt a buzz in his pocket.

 

Stiffly, he took out his phone to set it in his lap and pull his jacket over his head to hide the light. There was a text from Lup, Magnus, and an auto text he'd forgotten to delete earlier. He almost turned it off to let himself rot away under the sink, but it was probably a check-in text and… he really did miss her. It’d be worth staring at a too-bright phone screen through the tears to get the night off his chest.

 

[7:45]

_Lulu: hey how’re you doing koko? score any points with the cute guy?_

[8:21]

_Lulu: Taako?_

_Lulu: please tell me you're not texting me because you actually talked to him._

_Koko: no_

_Koko: i fucked up lup i shouldnt have come_

_Lulu: gods, taako, what happened?_

_Koko: hes here and he saw me and i panicked_

_Lulu: ...where are you? he didn't get you, did he?_

_Koko: bathroom. no i shoved him into the punch and ran_

_Lulu: fuck. i'm coming to get you, okay?_

_Koko: no! dont, please_

_Koko: ill sneak out and get a ride from magnus_

_Koko: i dont want sazed to see you too hes even worse than usual tonight_

 

He turned off the screen to wipe his eyes. When no further texts came, he buried his face in his knees again to keep the tears from dripping onto his shirt more than they already had. His phone buzzed again in his hand, and then it started to vibrate more intensely, tapping out “safe” in Morse code. He answered without thinking, both because he knew who would be on the other end and he didn’t want the sound to draw attention to anyone who might’ve (somehow) heard it against the pipe pressing into his shoulder.

 

Lup’s voice rang out loud and clear through the phone. “Taako, what the fu--”

 

“Shh,” Taako hissed, choking on his own tears for a second despite the way his ears flicked up at the sound of her voice. He cleared his throat, whispering, “We have to be quiet.”

 

“You’re hiding in a bathroom,” Lup said, her voice dropped to an up-at-two-am whisper. “Taako, what the fuck are you still doing there? It’s not. It’s not _safe_.”

 

She was right, but she was missing the part about how he was actually safer in the bathroom than crossing the gym to get out the door. He didn’t say anything back, too focused on choking back louder sobs now that the weight of the fear in her voice was hitting him. Lup was silent for a long time, sniffling noises coming from the speaker after the first few moments. Taako spoke first, clutching his knees tighter and scooting further under the sink as he did. “Lup, I. I promise I’ll be fh. Fine. I’ll geh. Get home on my own.”

 

Her response started with as swallowed sob and continued with, “You can’t be serious.”

 

The music changed, somehow louder than before, and thumped against the walls. Taako’s ears flipped up and hit his jacket in surprise before settling back down in fear. “I am,” he said.

 

“...what if I show up fashionably late?” Lup asked.

 

“What?”

 

“What if I show up fashionably late?” she repeated. “Not to come get you, not because of… him, just because I had a hard time picking my outfit.”

 

“Lup, he will _kill you_.”

 

The last two syllables came out louder than Taako had intended, and the thump of his back straightening against the wall was audible even through the phone. He held his breath with his ears on high alert, phone pressed to his chest, and waited four beats. It was always four beats, four suppressed breaths. If no one came in after those four beats, they weren’t coming.

 

He released his breath. “I’m coming whether you want me to or not,” Lup said, sounding a bit more put-together. “I can’t. I can’t come get you if you won't let me, but I’ll be there if you need me.”

 

“...okay.”

 

“I love you, Taako, stay safe.”

 

“Love you, too.”

 

The phone clicked off. The music seemed even louder than before; he swore he could feel _Mr. Brightside_ trying to hijack his heartbeat. Taako put it back in his pocket and pulled his jacket over his arms again, ears flopping all the way down. They were starting to hurt from being pinned in this position for so long, angered by their taste of freedom, and he massaged the base of one in an attempt to calm the sensations. They were such a damn giveaway, he thought with a sneer, mentally kicking himself in the shins. He could fake-smile and flex the muscles all he wanted to keep them up but once they were this far down he couldn’t force them to look relaxed. His nails dug a little deep when the thought crossed his mind and he pulled his hand away, tucking them between his legs. Nevermind.

 

He slowed his breathing and managed to stop actively crying. As best as he could without a mirror, he magicked his makeup back on and did touch ups in the light of his phone camera. He turned his phone back on to look at the text from Magnus, hoping it was something that could perk him up enough so he could get out and leave without catching Sazed’s eye again. Lup would probably be arriving soon since she had the car.

 

[8:15]

_Mango: Taako whered you go??_

_Mango: I heard a big crash and looked to see if you were okay but you were gone : (_

[8:27]

_Taako: im fine magnus_

_Taako: im around. be back later_

_Taako: hey tell me if you see lup_

_Mango: Lups coming? I thought you said she didnt want to! : O_

_Taako: she made me say that bcus she got indecisive about her outfit but dont tell her i told you_

_Mango: My lips are sealed!! Ill text you if I see her_

_Taako: thanks big guy_

 

Well, at least he didn’t suspect anything. Hopefully. Maybe he did but he was being all nice about it and not questioning Taako because he hadn’t brought it up. That was a thing Magnus did right?

 

Taako let himself almost doze under the sink, feeling the vibrations from the music hum in his bones and mouthing the lyrics to himself. His ears perked up every so often, betraying his actual awareness of the situation -- though they didn’t prepare him for the door slamming open and a familiar pair of boots stomping in front of his hiding place. He held his breath, slipping his phone into his pocket and moving sideways against the wall to make himself smaller. Oh, _fuck_. Sazed had figured out where he was, or at least what room he was in.

 

“Alright, you piece of shit,” he snarled, “I know you’re in here. It’ll be a lot easier if you just apologize to me on your own before I drag you out of your hiding place and make you.”

 

Taako started to shake, speechless. His heart drowned out the music and his ability to feel his fingers as they clutched at his clothes like iron. He had to do something. He had to figure out some way to escape. Sazed was facing away from the sink, walking towards one of the stalls; Taako needed to act  _now_. He hid under his jacket again, silencing his phone as he pulled open his texts and typed out a message surprisingly well for someone who was shaking so hard he nearly dropped the phone as he texted.

 

[8:35]

_Taako: magnus come to the bathroom_

_Mango: Right now?_

_Taako: yes please cant explain_

 

He shoved his phone back into his pocket and tried to pull further away from the edge of the sink. If he could hide in the darkest corner, behind all the pipes and away from the door, he’d be safe. Even Lup had trouble finding him there, he’d be safe and -- his boot squeaked against the floor and every cell in his body turned to ice.

 

“Oh, so that’s where you’re hiding.”

 

Sazed turned and squatted down, smirking at Taako. There was something in one of his hands; a plastic knife? He flipped it in his fingers as he spoke, twirling it in a threat Taako would never have guessed someone could make with a plastic utensil. “Figures. Can’t stand the spotlight anymore, huh?”

 

“Get away from me,” Taako snapped, tugging his foot away from Sazed’s reaching hand and scooting toward the corner.

 

“I just want an apology, Taako,” Sazed said in mock-hurt. “You shoved a poor guy into the punch bowl, remember?”

 

Taako mumbled, “You deserve more than a shove” under his breath, punctuating it with a shout when Sazed reached out and snagged the toe of his other boot with a sharp tug, plastic knife clutched in the other hand and poised to stab. He kicked at Sazed’s hand and didn't do any damage but managed to squirm into the corner. Sazed was still staring at him, eyes glinting with anger. Taako hid how hard the space made it to breathe with a death glare. Sazed sighed, sitting on the floor. “Suits you,” he remarked. “Hiding in a bathroom because you’re scared like a fucking middle schooler.”

 

He shifted as though he was going to move under the counter and laughed when Taako flinched. “You’re sick,” Taako spat. “I dumped you, big deal, move _on_.”

 

“That’s not what this is about. You know that,” Sazed said, tapping the beat of the song blasting through the walls on the tiles with the knife. “It hasn’t been about our little ‘break up’ in quite some time.” There, that tone again, the one that sounded like they hadn’t actually broken up and made Taako’s stomach twist in a bear trap.

 

He reached for Taako again. Taako’s heart jumped into his throat and he kicked out, managing to smash his foot between Sazed’s thumb and forefinger and make him pull away. _Safe now_ , he thought, trying to reassure himself.

 

Sazed grunted, shaking out his hand to make sure nothing was broken. He lifted his lip in a snarl that reminded Taako of a guard dog and clenched his fist around the knife until his knuckles paled. “You’re really going to be like this,” he said. “Nothing about this situation favors you, Taako. No punch bowl to scapegoat this time.”

 

“I could take you,” Taako growled. He flexed his hands, letting his nails glint in what he hoped was a threatening manner.

 

Sazed rolled his eyes and shifted closer. “I doubt it, twink. You got lucky out there, tripping me with the tablecloth and all.”

 

The distance between them kept narrowing and it made Taako start to panic again. He didn’t have an actual weapon. His nails were sharp, but only as much as fake nails could be without posing a danger to the person wearing them. Sazed had a knife, even if was plastic, and admittedly superior physical strength. He’d always held onto the hope that Sazed was too scared of getting in actual trouble to do anything bad enough to leave a mark, but that hope was starting to crumble. He prayed to any god he could think of that Magnus had gotten his text as he saw Sazed start to get up enough to lunge at him and curled his hands in front of his face with his legs tensed up to kick.

 

The music made a sharp upturn in volume and Taako watched Sazed jolt and turn to the door. He pushed himself to his feet and said, “You, huh?”

 

“What?” Magnus’s voice replied. “Me? I’m just looking for someone.” Taako’s ears perked up with interest as he uncurled.

 

Sazed laughed. “In a bathroom?”

 

Taako pulled his phone out and typed another message, praying Magnus would see this one faster than before.

 

[8:45]

_Taako: get him out please_

 

A cute bark sound effect broke the pounding music. Magnus checked his phone, then forced a laugh that sounded almost genuine. “Oh, nevermind. Guess they’re not in here. But, uh…” The footsteps that sounded then were undeniably Magnus’s, and they were getting closer. “Is that…”

 

Sazed took a step forward, the hand with the knife raising. “No.”

 

Magnus seemed to catch himself, voice jumping to amazement. “Hey, you’re that guy who got knocked into the punch bowl! There’s a teacher looking for you.”

 

_What?_

 

“Looking for me?”

 

“Yep. Something about wanting to talk to you?”

 

Sazed swore under his breath. “Probably the other twin, dammit,” he mumbled. He didn’t seem to respond to Magnus, only walking away from where Taako could see him. Magnus made a sound like he’d been pushed, and then there was nothing.

 

“Um…” Magnus took a step further into the room. “I dunno where you are, but if you’re in here, Lup said she’s got this. I also grabbed his knife, which is a weird thing to have in a bathroom.”

 

“Thanks,” Taako whispered, using a Minor Illusion to throw his voice and hide how it shook.

 

“Yeah, yeah, no problem.”

 

The music was muffled again. His heart pounded in his ears and tears leaked down his face. He wanted to leave; leave the bathroom, leave the dance, leave the real world and just sleep for ten hours so he could wake up and pretend this was a dream. He pulled his hood up and curled into a ball without leaving the tight corner, phone cradled in his lap so he could see the notification light. And then he cried, again, his measure of peace shattered.

 

He was still silent, but the sobs overtook his body. Full, shaking sobs that should’ve been buried in someone’s shoulder or a pillow but instead just wracked his shoulders with pain. His makeup faded, hair losing its careful style as the stress unwound the magic he’d woven into the bobby pins. He tugged on the ends of his ears, bending them forward and hissing through the tears at the pain the angle caused. If he could make noise, he’d probably sound like a toddler throwing a fit. That’s what he felt like.

 

The light on his phone flashed and made the screen light up. He let go of his ears and wiped his eyes, still shaking but holding his breath to focus on what it said. There was another text from Lup; a few messy swipe attempts and he managed to open up the simple text: _i’m outside._

 

A single knock (that maybe sounded more like someone punching the door) rang through the bathroom, the music jumped in volume, and then dropped. Footsteps made their way over to the sink, and there she was. Lup sat cross-legged on the floor and searched the shadows for him, taking a deep breath. She looked genuinely made-up for the dance with her flashy earrings that matched her top and the knee-high boots she’d just bought tugged over mermaid leggings. He was a little jealous, considering his own outfit had been less flashy than usual and was now probably wrinkled to oblivion.

 

“I know you’re under here, Taako,” she said, shaking him from his thoughts. “I’m gonna come under there with you if you don’t want to come out.”

 

Taako didn’t reply with words, only shifting back out from his corner and back to the middle of the wall under the counter. Lup crawled under with him and sat at his side, letting the silence stretch out for a while before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. He collapsed into her hug and dug his face into her shoulder as the tears came back full force and he let go of his breath to sob again. He hated this, hated that Sazed could still do this to him, that Lup had to come comfort his sorry ass because he couldn’t hold it together for one night. But he was grateful she had.

 

“What happened?” she mumbled once he’d gotten most of his breath back. “You’re even more shaken up than when I called you.”

 

“Fucker. The fucker found me,” Taako said, tightening his grip. “Had a uh. A knife.”

 

“A real knife?”

 

“A plastic one. Still. Still threatening, because of _fucking_ course.”

 

Silence fell again. Lup kept one arm around him, letting him come down from the panic on his own, while she picked out the bobby pins and let his hair fall down, one of her ears resting on his head. She moved both arms to tie it into a lazy braid, mostly to keep it out of his face, and wrap it up in a bun. _Better_ , she thought with a hum. The rest of the bobby pins were also now hers, by law.

 

“The dance was wrapping up when I got here,” she said. “We should probably get going.”

 

“You messed up my hair,” Taako protested.

 

“I fixed it. You know your roots are starting to show, right?”

 

“They are not, that was on purpose and you know it.”

 

Lup laughed; Taako managed a weak chuckle, earning a quick extra squeeze. “It does look better now, though,” she said. “Magic styling?”

 

“What else is magic good for?”

 

No laugh accompanied the rhetorical question, that time, only a new, aching sort of silence. Taako moved only to sit up, still hugging Lup but putting himself more level with her. Maybe it was a step too far, to bring that feeling into an already shitty night, but Taako didn’t exactly have a filter at that point. Every swirling thought seemed like a cat ready to pounce on the situation to make it worse, and he strained more than he should have had to to keep them contained.

 

The music shut off, and the echoes of the bass were replaced by the faint buzz of one of the teachers -- Davenport, maybe -- ending the dance. Lup stirred first, pulling away as carefully as she could to crawl out from under the sink. “We do need to go. If a teacher finds me in here I’m in deep shit.”

 

Taako wiped his eyes one last time on his sleeve and nodded. He took a moment to re-apply some manner of a glamour spell in case they ran into someone on their way out and then followed Lup out of the door. They took the long way around to the front door, ducking out of the hallway just as the crowd from the gym flooded the room. Taako pulled up his hood as they left, just in case, Sazed had somehow gotten away from the teachers (well, he hoped he’d actually gone to the teachers). On their way out to where Lup parked the car, Magnus spotted them, jogging up with a big smile. “Hey, Taako!” he greeted. “Everything go okay?”

 

“Yeah, um, it went okay,” Taako said, shrugging one shoulder. “Nothing exciting.”

 

Magnus’s smile faded a bit, eyebrows twitching like he wanted to stare at him in confusion. Taako remembered his comment about taking Sazed’s knife and gave him a side glance, hoping to convey that he didn’t want to talk about it. Magnus backed off -- literally and figuratively -- and waved. “See you guys on Monday!”

 

Lup and Taako waved back, offering two wildly different tones of “see you” in response. Lup had tucked the car into its usual spot under the tree where no one else had seemed to notice there was a parking spot, and for the span of time it took to unlock it and get inside, Taako could almost pretend they were just going home late. It was winter, they’d gone home after dark several times this year. But then Lup turned the key and the music started to play, and everything crashed on him again, making him flinch and cover his face with his hands. Lup hissed “Fuck” and turned it off, leaving them in silence.

 

“...okay?” she prompted, hand on the gear stick.

 

Taako nodded, buckling himself in before burying his face in his hands again the entire ride home.

 

He beat Lup to their room, stripping off the clothes he’d worn to the dance and getting into pajamas as fast as he could without tripping himself. He’d started shaking again at some point during the car ride and he wanted to get somewhere at least reasonably comfortable before he broke down completely. Lup came in as he pulled a shirt over his head and finished wiggling his binder down and off. “They’re not home,” she explained. “I wanted to double check.”

 

“...oh. Thanks.”

 

She cracked a weak smile before going to change into her own pajamas. For a second, Taako stood in the middle of their room and stared at the floor, waiting for the inevitable. The tears came first, and then his knees started to shake, and before long he found himself crumpled on the floor sobbing for the third time that night, now able to whine and sniffle as loud as he wanted to. Everything flooded out, from that night and beyond, cascading down his face in snot and tears and shallow scratches. Lup sat on the floor in front of him, her own fear bubbling up in the form of rendering her completely lost in the designs on their carpet, her body shivering and nails digging into her sides.

 

Time passed like syrup on felt, and by the time Taako had cried himself out he felt like the entire night had crept past them (though a glance at the clock told him otherwise). He sat up and grabbed Lup’s hand, tugging her to her feet and shaking her out of her daze. “Want me to do your hair?” he croaked with a fake smile that wouldn’t have fooled even the least observant beings.

 

“Sure,” she said.

 

They sat on her bed, her careful party up-do unraveled and splayed across her back in a teal cape. Taako started a series of braids going up from her head and down into the main part of her hair. After tying off the first one, he whispered, “He, um, he cornered me by the punch bowl wanting. Wanting to talk. I pushed him into it and ran.”

 

Lup swallowed. “You mentioned the punch bowl, I think.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Another braid tied off in silence. “He wanted an apology. ...An apology for it.”

 

“Doesn’t deserve it.”

 

“Mmhm. Cornered me again.”

 

“In the bathroom?”

 

“With the knife.”

 

“...Magnus came to help, right?”

 

“I texted him.”

 

“Does he know?”

 

“No.”

 

Taako started braiding the braids together into two ponytails. Lup pulled one next to her right ear over her shoulder and threaded it through her fingers; it was just like the one she tied in his hair, location wise, and she wondered if he even realized he’d left it alone.

 

“I should’ve listened to you.”

 

“No, Taako, you wanted… you couldn’t have known he was going to be there.”

 

“He always is. ...thanks for coming to get me.”

 

“I couldn’t just leave you there.”

 

“Yeah, you could.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t. You’d come get me if I got cornered by an asshole.”

 

“...well, duh. You’re my twin.”

 

“And you’re mine.”

 

Taako tied off the final braid. He sighed, rubbing his eyes. Lup turned to him, giving a weak (but now genuine) smile. “Let me do yours, then we can sleep?”

 

He snorted in laughter. “Knock yourself out.”

 

She did his hair up in a proper sleep-braid in silence, returning one of the bobby pins she’d stolen by slipping it in to hold it all in place. Once her hands dropped, they sat in silence for a moment before Taako got off the bed and stretched, giving her another quick hug and a “night, Lup,” before he crawled into his own bed and pulled the covers up over his head. Lup flopped down onto her bed, staring at the ceiling.

 

Neither of them got very good sleep that night.

**Author's Note:**

> i worked on lupcretia + hurloane stuff for all of femslash february but this is what got done first, lol. i'll have some more femslash out soon, i just... this spoke to me and i wanted to finish it.  
> i hope you enjoyed! if you like my work, feel free to come talk to me on tumblr [@thegempage](http://thegempage.tumblr.com/) or on twitter [@achillopal!!](https://twitter.com/achillopal) I'm always up for talking about taz or my fics, taking suggestions, talking about stuff in general, accepting any art for my fics (which if you do bless your entire goddamn soul). i post art for my fics there sometimes too!!
> 
> thanks for reading <3  
> if you'd like to support this with a rb, [here's the tumblr post!](http://thegempage.tumblr.com/post/171543024108/muffled-ciaranthepage-the-adventure-zone)


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